The first acronym that I was given for FEAR was False Evidence Appearing Real. At first, that didn’t really connect with me. I would ask, “False evidence appearing real… what is that supposed to mean?” It actually took several years before that statement truly made sense to me. What did impact me was the second acronym that I was given, which is what most people do when they feel fear, which is, “F- Everything And Run.” That I could definitely relate to. I had numerous personal examples of where I would run from what I feared and ignore the consequences. As I looked closely I realized that fear was something that affected me in many areas of my life. And yet I still did not understand the basic concept, what is fear?

There was fear of intimacy, there was fear of the unknown, there was fear of the past, there was fear of the future, there was fear of myself, there was fear of others, there was fear of success, there was fear of failure; the more I looked I realized that fear was present in multiple areas of my life, in many forms.

I was not aware of what fear was, what I was aware of though is what I did when fear occurred. Normally my response to fear was that I would run, I would shut down and I would avoid personal responsibility.

To overcome something, I believe that we need to have a starting point of understanding. What is fear? As I looked deeper at the definition of False Evidence Appearing Real, with the help of many teachers along the way, it began to make sense. I realized that everything that happens is recorded in our conscious and unconscious mind. All that information that is recorded becomes associated to the stimulus and environment of the experience and all that information is also stored in our conscious and unconscious mind. Right in this very instant as you are reading this article your mind is recording everything that is going on around you. You are not consciously paying attention to everything that’s going on, but your unconscious is recording it. Consciously you are taking in the words that you are reading, it is taking in the specific things that you are looking at, it’s taking in sounds that you are aware focusing on. But your unconscious is also taking in subtleties that you are not consciously aware of. Things like the room temperature, the lighting, the pressure of your clothing against your skin, the pressure of your body when its leaning on a piece of furniture and the pressure of your foot on the floor. All these experiences are imprinted into your unconscious mind and associated to what is happening in the present moment.

How does this relate to the question “What is fear?” Let’s use an example of a bad experience with a relationship. Let’s say that you have a break up with someone you deeply care about. Your unconscious doesn’t filter what is happening logically. It connects all of the experiences, emotions and stimulus/responses to that experience. So the next time that you come into a similar situation, your unconscious looks for similar experiences from your past to give you a point of reference in how to deal with the current situation. Since you have negative associations to the past experience, fear kicks in and you may not have any idea why. Since it is your unconscious bringing up all those past associations, this is what I mean when I say it is “false evidence”. Meaning, that this present moment is not the same as the past, but the “evidence” that is being presented to help you deal with this situation, is a representation from your past experiences.

Now, we don’t consciously think about this when the fear pops up, all we know is that we feel scared, and that fear is real. Now the question is what is fear for you? When this happens do you use fear as a trusted advisor, meaning do you use it to counsel you to help you move forward? Or do you use it as a jailer? Does it stop you? Does it prevent you from living the life that you desire?

Another acronym regarding what is fear is False Expectations Appearing Real. An example of this being fear of the unknown. This is where you don’t know what is going to happen, but you create all these mind movies, of what you think is going to unfold in the future, and most of the time when we do this, we don’t look at the best possible outcome for those situations. We usually create “worst case scenarios”.

Here is an experience of fear that I had for myself of both “false evidence” and “false expectations appearing real”. It was when we began filming the Self -Awareness 101 series. It hadn’t been long before we began that I had two of my front teeth removed because of gum disease. As we were getting ready to begin shooting I had a fear to face. Because I am someone who has spoken publicly in the past and who performs music publicly I have been quite conscious of my looks. Add to that the fact that all my life people have complimented me on my smile and my teeth; I became very self conscious when I had these two teeth pulled. All of a sudden when I looked in the mirror, I had this big gaping hole that was quite embarrassing. When the dentist pulled those teeth, he had given me a partial denture to use. But it was too painful to wear because the gums were settling from having the teeth pulled, and the other teeth around that space were shifting and adjusting. At times, even putting in the partial was a very painful experience. So I chose to not wear them until the gums had settled and it was comfortable to use them.

Well, as Jerry and I were getting ready to start filming Self-Awareness 101 I had a major fear I needed to deal with if we were going to proceed. I feared being judged, I feared not being accepted, I feared being ridiculed for my looks. I say that because I have “evidence” from the past of those kinds of experiences, of being looked at differently because of not having a leg. Our society is very visual, and I had painful experiences in the past where based on my physical body, people made judgments about me, and created perceptions of who they believe I am based on what they see.

Also, having been taught that as a speaker and performer that “image is everything”, you know, “If you are going to be taken seriously you need to dress this way, you need to make sure that your hair is perfect, that you look this way, and project this kind of image because you are representing such and such…” All these past experiences and future expectations created a large amount of fear for me.

We were preparing to film and I was thinking to myself, “Am I nuts? I’m going to sit down in front of that camera, and this series is going to be put on the web for everyone to see. And I am supposed to be representing myself as a teacher, and this will be on the Internet for God knows how long… And here I am with a big whole in my mouth… I’m going to look like an idiot with these missing front teeth.” I was scared of how I have been judged in the past, and I was scared of what people were going to think in the future. Would anyone take me seriously?

Ultimately the choice was to sideline Self-Awareness 101 because of my ego and my vanity, or just do it. Set aside the fear and create the best content possible, and hope for the content to be judged based on its quality. And as far as my teeth, I would address it whenever the time was right. And also share my experience letting people know that I didn’t want to give into to my own fear. I want people to be able to face their fears and I think this was a way of leading by example.

What is fear? It is an opportunity for growth. Face your fears and do what needs to be done. I am happy to say that in the past seven months, I have grown tremendously from this experience. Yes, there have been comments and jokes about my missing teeth, but the greatest feedback that we have gotten is that this series has had a huge impact on a lot of people’s lives. And if I would have bought into my fear and not done this series, that growth for myself, and the impact on others never would have happened.

So, how does this episode on “What is fear” relate to you? My first question to you is, what are you not moving forward on, because of a fear? What are you not taking action on because of false evidence from the past appearing real, or because of false expectations of the future appearing real? When we look at the fear and understand the question “what is fear”, we are already half way to overcoming it.

The exercise for this week is that I would like you to sit down and list five things in your life that you’re scared of. You may not think that you have that much you fear, but I am sure if you are honest, you will find areas that you may not have thought about before. Think about these kinds of fear: fear of failure, fear of success, fear of intimacy, fear of the unknown then sit down and ask yourself, “What is it I am scared of?” If there is something in your life that you know you should be doing… and you are not doing it… It is more than likely because of fear. Are you scared of getting into a more intimate relationship? Are you scared of what’s going to happen in the future in respect to your job? Are you scared of starting a new business? Are you scared of starting an exercise program or scared of quitting smoking? What is the fear? Write down five.

And then I want you to look at the fear and ask yourself, is it false evidence appearing real? Is it something from the past that you’re automatically presuming is going to happen when you try this time? Is it a false expectation? Is it something that has to do with the unknown? Use this experience of becoming aware of what that fear is to allow that fear to become an adviser, to help you gain the information that you need.

If you discover that it is false evidence from the past, what did you learn from that experience that can help you succeed this time? If it is false expectations, what information do you need to gather, what do you need to learn, what do you need to do to prepare yourself to move forward. What is fear? It is ultimately your choice. You can use fear as an adviser, or a jailer.

I look forward to hearing your feedback regarding what is fear. I look forward to hearing from you and I look forward to connecting again soon.

Take Care.

• Getting rid of clothes we’ll never fit into again means accepting our current shape and level (or lack) of fitness.
• Getting rid of an expensive item we never use means admitting that we made a poor decision when we bought it.
• Getting rid of books and magazines we don’t have time to read means accepting that we will never have enough time or attention to explore every topic that’s of interest to us.
• Getting rid of possessions remaining after a loved one has died means coming to terms with our loss and grief.

Acknowledge to yourself that clearing out your clutter will involve some emotional risk. Start by exploring why keeping certain kinds of clutter feels comforting to you. For example:

• If you grew up with very frugal parents who taught you not to be wasteful, getting rid of items that are still useful may trigger feelings of guilt. (This is very common among the “Baby Boomer” generation, whose parents may have experienced hardship and deprivation during the Great Depression and/or World War II years.)
• If you grew up poor and hungry, surrounding yourself with material goods may feel reassuring that you will always have enough.
• If you suffer from low self-esteem or come from an abusive environment, you may unconsciously feel that you don’t deserve beautiful surroundings, or that you will be punished for trying to create them for yourself.
• If you have experienced a difficult loss through the death of a loved one or the end of a marriage, getting rid of that person’s things can feel like a betrayal of your love.
• If you have an attic or basement full of supplies for a hobby you hoped would become a career, clearing it out may feel like giving up on your dreams, or it may force a confrontation with the fact that you are getting older.
• If you lack confidence in pursuing a long-held dream, keeping your clutter can keep you from having to go out and actually do it.

Healing and growth come from recognizing your feelings, no matter what they are. If your enthusiasm for clutter clearing suddenly turns into feelings of anger, resentment at the task itself, or a vague sense of anxiety, that’s a sign to pause and reflect on what deeper feelings are being triggered.

Many of our reasons for hanging on to clutter are, at their core, about fear: fear that we won’t be equal to the challenges of the future, and fear of confronting our regrets about the past. Clutter can be comforting; it acts as a buffer between us and reality.

Here are some points to help you maintain a perspective of clarity as you work on your clutter:

• Living clutter-free does not mean living in a sterile environment; it means getting rid of the excess so that everything around you is there for a reason.
• The past is over and the future isn’t here yet. Confronting the emotions raised by clutter will make living in the present less threatening.
• In the course of clutter clearing, you may get rid of something that you later wish you’d kept. Emotionally healthy people do feel regret; but then they let it go, trusting that an equal or better item will be available if they need it.
• Letting go of regrets about your present clutter will help free you from the fear of regret that drives the accumulation of future clutter
• People who are able to live without clutter trust themselves to make good choices. As you become more conscious of what you allow into and keep in your home, you will develop a higher level of trust your own decisions.
• Hoarding against an uncertain future reveals a lack of faith in the ability of the Universe to provide what you need at the time you need it. The antidote is to focus on gratitude for all that you now have, and for all the ways in which you are already being provided for.

If difficult feelings come up for you as you work through your clutter, acknowledge them. You may discover that you just aren’t ready to confront some tasks or part with some things yet. It is self-defeating to push yourself all at once through changes that are too large for you today. Be gentle with yourself, take baby steps, and work at your own pace.

Remember that the space you create by releasing clutter will allow all kinds of gifts to flow into your life, on the physical, spiritual, and emotional levels. Letting go of excess makes room for blessings.

When it comes to life, there is no escaping color. It is ubiquitous. Yet what does it all mean? Why are people more relaxed in green rooms? Why do weightlifters do their best in blue gyms?  I’d be most happy to help you choose a color for your “oasis”… your area that you work and feel focused in.

Colors often have different meanings in various cultures. And even in Western societies, the meanings of various colors have changed over the years. But today in the U.S., researchers have generally found the following to be accurate.

Black

Black is the color of authority and power. It is popular in fashion because it makes people appear thinner. It is also stylish and timeless. Black also implies submission. Priests wear black to signify submission to God. Some fashion experts say a woman wearing black implies submission to men. Black outfits can also be overpowering, or make the wearer seem aloof or evil. Villains, such as Dracula, often wear black.

 White

Brides wear white to symbolize innocence and purity. White reflects light and is considered a summer color. White is popular in decorating and in fashion because it is light, neutral, and goes with everything. However, white shows dirt and is therefore more difficult to keep clean than other colors. Doctors and nurses wear white to imply sterility.

 Red

The most emotionally intense color, red stimulates a faster heartbeat and breathing. It is also the color of love. Red clothing gets noticed and makes the wearer appear heavier. Since it is an extreme color, red clothing might not help people in negotiations or confrontations. Red cars are popular targets for thieves. In decorating, red is usually used as an accent. Decorators say that red furniture should be perfect since it will attract attention.

The most romantic color, pink, is more tranquilizing. Sports teams sometimes paint the locker rooms used by opposing teams bright pink so their opponents will lose energy.

 Blue

The color of the sky and the ocean, blue is one of the most popular colors. It causes the opposite reaction as red. Peaceful, tranquil blue causes the body to produce calming chemicals, so it is often used in bedrooms. Blue can also be cold and depressing. Fashion consultants recommend wearing blue to job interviews because it symbolizes loyalty. People are more productive in blue rooms. Studies show weightlifters are able to handle heavier weights in blue gyms.

Green

Currently the most popular decorating color, green symbolizes nature. It is the easiest color on the eye and can improve vision. It is a calming, refreshing color. People waiting to appear on TV sit in “green rooms” to relax. Hospitals often use green because it relaxes patients. Brides in the Middle Ages wore green to symbolize fertility. Dark green is masculine, conservative, and implies wealth. However, seamstresses often refuse to use green thread on the eve of a fashion show for fear it will bring bad luck.

Yellow

Cheerful sunny yellow is an attention getter. While it is considered an optimistic color, people lose their tempers more often in yellow rooms, and babies will cry more. It is the most difficult color for the eye to take in, so it can be overpowering if overused. Yellow enhances concentration, hence its use for legal pads. It also speeds metabolism.

Purple

The color of royalty, purple connotes luxury, wealth, and sophistication. It is also feminine and romantic. However, because it is rare in nature, purple can appear artificial.

Brown

Solid, reliable brown is the color of earth and is abundant in nature. Light brown implies genuineness while dark brown is similar to wood or leather. Brown can also be sad and wistful. Men are more apt to say brown is one of their favorite colors.

Fear. Guilt. Sadness. Anger. Poor self esteem. Arrogance. Pain. Apathy. Jealousy. Regret. Overwhelm. Helplessness. Loneliness. Dread. Unworthiness. Abandonment. Shock. Remorse. Confusion. Depression. Shame. Loss. Anxiety. Judgment. Impatience. Vindictiveness. Alienation. Betrayal. Disappointment. Hate.
 
So many negative emotions influence our thoughts, our behavior, our bodies and how we feel about ourselves—our self esteem. We seemed trapped in the perpetual cause and effect of these negative emotions. These can become especially heightened when we experience, adversity, crisis and trauma in our lives. We try therapy, exercise, diet, meditation, and avoidance to free ourselves from their control. Sometimes we experience change. Most of the time, nothing really happens.

Nothing really happens until we get upclose, personal and honest with ourselves by the Power of Releasing.

Penny Trites

Be As Specific As You Can

General answers will only give you a general sense of who you are. The more specific your answers, the more impact they’ll have on your life and you’ll have a much clearer picture of yourself. I can not emphasis this enough. Be specific. Be specific. Give specific answers. When you think you’ve been pretty specific, make it even more specific.

Questions, Not Judgments

Don’t ask yourself  these questions with a judgmental tone. They’re not accusations, or calls for you to defend yourself. They’re questions to help you discover who you are. Be honest, gentle, and nonjudgmental. No one has to see your answers. This is between you and you, and no one else.

Letting It Flow

If while answering the questions you come up with your own line of questioning, then definitely follow it. (You’re the expert here.) Also, if you answer, “I don’t know”, to any of the questions, give yourself the freedom to take a wild guess. The guess will allow you to continue. You know more than you think you do!

Be Totally Honest

Honesty leads to true awareness, but it requires courage. It’s the courage to face what you fear or find difficult to accept about yourselves. When you summon the courage to take ownership of your actions, thoughts, and feelings, you will recover the blueprint of your life. You’ll be able to face your fears and find the inaccurate beliefs that created them.

“We make our world significant
  by the courage of our questions,
  and the depth of our answers.”

- Carl Sagan

When answering the questions below, see if you are substituting rationalizations for your genuine feelings. Check inside and see if you are asking yourself  “How SHOULD I feel?”, rather than “How do I really feel?”. Monitor if you are speculating intellectually about the answer, rather than getting in touch with what you are thinking or feeling.

Know that in the past you had reasons for being dishonest and that those reasons may no longer be useful or serve you. Know whatever you discover about yourself, you can handle with ease and acceptance. Trust that the information you uncover will in some way lead to a greater sense of peace about yourself. That the answers to the questions will take you by the hand, and lead you to where you want to go.

Becoming honest is an act of self renewal. What a sense of freedom you’ll feel when you’re able to admit to yourself…”I want this, or think this, or feel this because I’m afraid that…[fill in the blank]. This is the first step toward discovering hidden fears. What a wonderful place to know where you are! It’s difficult to reach a destination, when you don’t even know where you’re starting. You need only to gather your courage and look for your beliefs you have about yourself and your world. The rewards of doing so will lead you to places of happiness you never knew existed.

This page is filled with questions. I’ve divided the questions into the following categories: Social, Emotional, Significant Relationship, Spiritual/Ethical, Financial, Career, Personal, and Personal Definitions. They’re worded in a way to help you get a clearer picture of who you are. Clarity is the goal here, but remember, have fun with the questions. This isn’t intended to be a struggle!

Social

What type of people do I enjoy spending time with?
(intelligent, open-minded, out-going, self-righteous, reflective, quiet, funny, a bit sad, optimists, readers, pessimists, thinkers, sports-minded, active, perceptive, debaters, joke-tellers, etc.)

Why do I enjoy those specific qualities in people?

Do I seek out people similar as I, or different from me? Why is that?

Do I have many friends as I just described? Why or why not?

How many close friends do I want based on the amount of time I have?

What would those close relationships look like? What would be the biggest aspects? (talking, shared activities, working on projects together, laughter, storytelling, playing games, etc.)

What are two of the most favorite things I enjoy doing with others?

Where have I met most of the friends I currently have?
(family, work, community, childhood, online, etc.)

What does where I met these friends tell me about myself?

Why am I still friends with those people?

What is the single biggest attitudinal change I’d like to make when with people? (be more myself, be more out-going, be more honest, initiate more conversations, be more comfortable, be more open, be funnier, interrupt less, initiate more activities, etc.)

Emotional

List three situations and/or times when you were the most happy in your life. Specific instances…What elements were present when I felt that way? How was I feeling about myself during those times?

What do I fear most in my life right now? Why? What would it mean if that happened?

When do I feel the most angry or frustrated? What is it about those situations that I feel that way?

What is my definition of love? (not Webster’s)

What are my primary beliefs about love? (it’s easy, scary, short-lived, feels good, not possible, difficult, etc.) Where/when did I acquire those beliefs? Do I still believe them? Why or why not?

Do I have much control over my emotions? Why or why not?

What emotions do I want to feel most of the time?

Significant Relationship

If NOT currently in a marriage/life partnership/relationship

What specific characteristics do I want my ideal life partner to possess? (generosity, open-mindedness, funny, gentle, strong personality, quiet, organized, similar beliefs about politics, finances, parenting, etc, fun, honest, similar goals, attractive, playful, out-going, etc.)

Why do I want them to have those characteristics?

How would I feel if I never had a life partner? Why would I feel that way?

If currently in a marriage/life partnership/relationship

Am I happy in my current relationship? Why or why not?

What is the biggest problem I see in the relationship?

In what way would I like my partner to change? Why is that important to me?

Could I be happy if that person did not change? Why or why not?

What did I appreciate about this person when I first met/knew them?

What do I appreciate about them now?

Why are those qualities important to me?

What is the single biggest attitudinal change I could make that would enhance this relationship?

Spiritual / Ethics

Do I believe in God? If not, how do I believe the universe operates? Why do I believe that?

How has my childhood effected my beliefs about God/or lack there of?

What characteristics do I believe God possesses? Why do I believe that?

What is my relationship with this God/Universe?
Is it the relationship I want? Why or why not?

In what way does my spiritual beliefs effect my day-to-day life?

Do I have a code of conduct that I follow? If no, do I want one? Why or why not? If yes, what is it and why those codes?

Financial

What beliefs did I “take on” from my parents in regards to money? (it’s difficult to get, it’s scarce, you should only have so much, it’s easy to make, having it /not having it says something about me, live for the moment, give it away, I’ll never have enough, it’s a secret, saving is important, etc)

What does money mean/represent to me?
(security, aliveness, freedom, love, peace of mind, etc)

Do I feel peaceful or anxiety in regards to money?
Why do I feel that way about it?

How much money do I feel I deserve to make a year? Why that amount?

What would it mean to me if I made more or less than that amount? Why do I believe that?

Career

What types of things did I enjoy doing as a child? (building things, drawing, sports, writing, solving puzzles, being with animals, my chemistry set, organizing games, talking, anything physical, playing house, cowboys and Indians, etc) Do I do anything today that has similar qualities to it?

How do I currently earn my livelihood? How did I come to be so employed?

What was present during the times I loved my work?
What were the elements present in those situations?

Am I currently doing the type of work I love to do?
If not, what type of work would I like to do?
If yes, what would have to change for me to enjoy it more?
What attitudinal change could I make to enjoy it more?

What has stopped me so far from pursuing the type of work I love? Do I want to continue allowing that to stop me? What could I do to change that?

What is my definition of success? (not Webster’s) that?

Personal

What skills have I acquired that I’m proud of?

What accomplishments am I proud of?

Beginning when I was a child, what are the 10 most significant events in my life? Why did I make them significant?

What period of my life do I like most? Why?
What period of my life do I like least? Why?

What are five of my greatest strengths?

What do I desire most right now? Why do I desire that?

If I was to receive an award, what would I want that award to be for? Why that?

If I was to pick out a general theme that showed up often while answering these questions, what would that theme be? What does it mean? How do I feel about that?

Personal Definitions

In addition to asking yourself questions, you may also want to investigate your personal definitions of common words. I know when I went through this process of self awareness, I found I only had a very general sense of the meaning of words. It wasn’t until I came up with my own precise and specific definitions, that their meaning became clear. Although my definitions were not that drastically different from the dictionary’s, the words had more impact on my life once I defined them myself.

What is YOUR definition of the following words?
- love - success - honesty - happiness - soul - true - acceptance - inner peace	- trust - appreciation - knowing - believe - reality - fear - joy - judgment	- anger - mistake - sex - friend - guilt - intention - responsibility - myself

Copyright © 1997-2005 Jennifer Hautman